little man

i know today is a day to never forget

and i haven't.

9/11

is an amazing day for our country

it is a little bit different for me

9/11/01 changed so many lives

mine included

9/11/06

changed mine forever

in so many ways, ways i still dont understand

while the world remembers those who we lost to tragedy

i remember the gift i was given

the gift i was given to be in this persons life, the opportunity to be in his presence. september 11th to me is the last night i had with my little guy. it was our last date, just me and him. the last time i had him with me. i wish i could say i remember what i was doing or where i went or what i was thinking that exact night. but i have a general idea.

i was a conundrum

i was peacefully anxious

excitedly calm

and

weary with strength

i know that doesnt make sense

i was anxious to not be pregnant anymore

i was anxious for him to be home

i was excited to meet him

i had the most amazing little buddy, he was always there. for 9 months. he was there in my heart and in my mind. he kept me company when i was all alone. he comforted me when peace eluded me and something i didn't expect. he loved me. i could really feel it.

it wasn't all mushy, he kicked me lots i poked him back

there was some friction

but i cherish september 11th

see tomorow is his birthday

that little man is turning

5

five

cinco

V

half a decade

september 12th is the day of his birth

his birthday

his day

but september 11th is kind of my day

and fitting that the whole world

should also see to it being a day of reverence

what a crazy 5 years it has been

and i hope to be able to express to that little man what he means to me

the honor it has been to know to him and to be a piece of his history

and to have him be a peace of mine.

i dont understand everything or know how it all works

i dont know how he will feel or what the feelings i have mean

but i know i love him

and i know he loves me

not something i expected

or something i was prepared for

but it is the greatest gift

to have the love of a child

to his mommy and daddy

i am eternally endebted

they might just be two of the three nephites

(i think mae mae is the third)

as "my day" ends

little man yours begins

and as i told you when we first met

 it will be a privilege and an adventure to see the places you'll go

 Happy Birthday