Miss Myra

little man

2011-09-11T23:37:00.000-07:00

i know today is a day to never forget

and i haven't.

9/11

is an amazing day for our country

it is a little bit different for me

9/11/01 changed so many lives

mine included

9/11/06

changed mine forever

in so many ways, ways i still dont understand

while the world remembers those who we lost to tragedy

i remember the gift i was given

the gift i was given to be in this persons life, the opportunity to be in his presence. september 11th to me is the last night i had with my little guy. it was our last date, just me and him. the last time i had him with me. i wish i could say i remember what i was doing or where i went or what i was thinking that exact night. but i have a general idea.

i was a conundrum

i was peacefully anxious

excitedly calm

and

weary with strength

i know that doesnt make sense

i was anxious to not be pregnant anymore

i was anxious for him to be home

i was excited to meet him

i had the most amazing little buddy, he was always there. for 9 months. he was there in my heart and in my mind. he kept me company when i was all alone. he comforted me when peace eluded me and something i didn't expect. he loved me. i could really feel it.

it wasn't all mushy, he kicked me lots i poked him back

there was some friction

but i cherish september 11th

see tomorow is his birthday

that little man is turning

five

cinco

half a decade

september 12th is the day of his birth

his birthday

his day

but september 11th is kind of my day

and fitting that the whole world

should also see to it being a day of reverence

what a crazy 5 years it has been

and i hope to be able to express to that little man what he means to me

the honor it has been to know to him and to be a piece of his history

and to have him be a peace of mine.

i dont understand everything or know how it all works

i dont know how he will feel or what the feelings i have mean

but i know i love him

and i know he loves me

not something i expected

or something i was prepared for

but it is the greatest gift

to have the love of a child

to his mommy and daddy

i am eternally endebted

they might just be two of the three nephites

(i think mae mae is the third)

as "my day" ends

little man yours begins

and as i told you when we first met

it will be a privilege and an adventure to see the places you'll go

Happy Birthday

my first 5k

2011-08-29T12:53:00.000-07:00

(me and ricardo)
Join me in my efforts to support Huntsman Cancer Foundation!

hello all, it is no secret that staying among the living is almost a full time job for me these days. i have recently spent some time at the huntsman cancer clinic getting iron infusions and it has really opened my eyes. sitting with all of those amazing people that are fighting for their life has really motivated me to really fight for mine.i am far to young to be as sick as i am and it is high time I SHOW my body what it can do, teach it to believe in itself and to worry about miles run, not organs lost. :) i know being active will help me feel better in spite of the bits that are broken and pieces that are missing. so if me and ricardo can do it. so can you. im challenging you to put yourself first, your health, your happiness, your longevity. i challenge you to join me in this 5k whether you feel like a healthy human or you are less then human but not quite dead. i often go back and forth. i need to raise 200$ for huntsman cancer to be able to race. so help me out. whether it is running or walking or donating money or just getting going in your own life. there is also a walk for the little ones. i have a 6 week couch to 5k plan all set up, that has each workout planned out for you. any questions let me know. more info to follow.
The Hometown Heroes program is designed to help participants reach their endurance goals while raising much-needed funds for cancer research. Since 2003, Hometown Heroes have raised over $1 million dollars from donors like YOU. Huntsman Cancer Foundation relies on the generosity of community members to support cancer research programs. Be a part of it by donating through my event today.

check out my link to donate and

find all the good stuff. come play

(click here to see the training plan and hear me whine about doing it. come on it will be fun.)

night of the running dead

2010-12-10T22:54:00.000-08:00

(then)

mr t
you are my rock
you make me better
by leaps and bounds
you push me
you hug me
you teach me
you love me

you are in it
with me
i need nothing more
thank you mr t

(now)

2010-05-12T07:57:00.000-07:00

"don't quit before the miracle happens"

it's no secret things have been,
and are tough right now
lots of uncertainty
some things i don't understand
and some missing people
which leads to a sad heart and some tears

while a little piece of my heart is
a baby bit broken right now

the rest of my heart is fuller
than ever before.

years of prayers answered in
one coincidental saturday morning

some time with a certain someone special
a morning with an amazing little angel

with everything going on
all the hard feelings
and the hurtie heart

i was sent an above-average sized
reminder

i am beyond blessed

and was chosen by
one of His
elite children

and that my friends
heals and restores
this tender heart

"don't quit before the miracle happens"

2010-05-04T16:46:00.000-07:00

so remember when i said that someone had signed up

well it seemed to be

but it wasn't really

remember that post from earlier

about the self made girl

she is back and her

tender heart is broken

not by one

but by things that

just

keep

happening

i don't understand

i don't understand an

"i love you"

that turns around and walks away

i dont understand it

it doesnt compute

i would rather be

hated

despised

than be

ignored

forgotten

and yes

(here come the daddy issues)

abandoned

given up on

not worth it

how can i be the bee's knee's

but then fine to live without

...

i just plain don't understand

i really dont

but nothing i can do about it

and i know i will be fine

it will all be fine

life goes on

but goodness effing gracious

really?!?!

i am far from pleased...

2010-04-27T13:15:00.000-07:00

well...

life suprises you

and shocks the crap out of me...

i'm wrangling the tornado

oh i mean myself

and turns out

i have a buddy that wants to help me

the road is slippery and

as you can see uphill

with obstacles surrounding,

but there is someone that

has signed up

to pull me back to the middle

thanks sweetness and light

love ya

2010-04-24T15:46:00.001-07:00

Well kids...
the moment came earlier than planned
because i threw a fit
i got what i wanted
well not exactly...
the blade came and cut
it cut so sharp and went so deep
and hurt like it always has before
the thing that hurt the most was
i.didn't.understand.
none of it made sense
none of it
i have had alot of hard things in my life
but they always made sense
tears followed an equation
anyway...
ya know when you have a really big problem
and you think it out, you take all factors
sort it out, take a deep breath
and start to wrangle that tornado
well...
if it were only that easy
...
i drew my line in the sand
and lassoed that tornado
turns out
i'm the tornado
and i have tied myself into
a
big
fat
knot
hopes and prayers
and wishes and dreams
that i can untangle myself
details to come...
i meant it about the hopes and prayers
(and by reading this you have signed onto my requests)

2010-04-22T13:16:00.000-07:00

That is how many hours there are left...

Ugh this freaking sucks.

I know what I want to happen

I know what usually happens

Oh I mean I know what Always happens

but

i really really hope things are

different

better

this go 'round

please please please

sincerely,

this self-made self

2010-04-21T00:40:00.000-07:00

it's gonna be a rough few days kids...

it's always hard to put yourself out there on the table

and wait for the blade

will the blade trim off the pieces that need to go

or will it cut into things that are oh so vital

i know i will survive

i know i am super duper tough

doesn't mean i want to do it

at.all.

but i learned something today

i know where i am supposed to be now

(and to my best efforts and knowledge I am there)

and i know where i am supposed to be in the future

and i have

no idea

how to get from A.-B.

but luckily for me its the little baby steps today

that will sort it all out

and freeingly enough

i don't have to sort out that SNAFU

I take my baby steps everyday

every

single

day

(no short task)

i BELIEVE

I WILL arrive

all GROWN up

at MY destination

I know what I am facing,

I know what is on the chopping block

the concept rocks me to my core

but i am calm and i have peace

BUT

I REALLY WANT MY WAY

prayers for me please

and even more for the blade

(66 hours remaining)

today

2010-04-18T23:38:00.000-07:00

ladies and gentlemen

to say i have been absent is a bit of an understatement

no real good reason i have been gone

i have just been caught up in life

funny to see it written cuz its true

i have felt like i have been held back a few years

but i have been catching up on life

anyway i'll fill you in completely at some point

but for now

today this is in my head

emotional vomiting proceedeth

enjoy

one of many

A selfish wish from a self-made girl

if a wish were a fish, we'd all have a fry

cook up that fish and finish with pie

but a wish isn't a fish, it's a mind most hopeful ploy

for a life without strife, instead tangible joy

but there's a selfish wish from a girls tender heart

this girl is self made, with some remaining original parts

some of them left, but OH did they try

some of them went to help others parts fly

she trimmed and she sheared bits from parts of her own

to mend hearts, minds and spirits and from it she's grown

she sees her parts shine in ways never thought

calm, peace and smiles to others they brought

but a selfish wish lies in that self-made mind

a wish long wanted, ached for, and pined

that someone would want to take pieces of theirs

and find where they fit and sew up the tears

it's scary i know, "will it hurt? will it scar?"

"what bit goes where? will i get a gold star"

no stars are awarded just the ones seen in their eyes

and a calm peaceful self is all that resides

so the selfish wish from that self-made heart

that wish has benefits and pluses right from the start

first it will mend and bridge all those gaps

of someone's struggling, drowning mishaps

next it takes your parts' part far beyond

to life different than known from your side of the pond

from my self-made self to your unified you

i ask could you spare some, and use extra glue?

i don't always need it, but if Ii do it is dire

my parts do most anything right down to the wire

if and when i am lacking. please. i'll take JUST a bit

i'll even sew it myself, i have my own kit

please and thank you is what i will say until then

and have faith that you'll be there when i need to say when

2010-03-02T08:58:00.001-08:00

2009-09-13T23:27:00.000-07:00

I'm

So...

Blessed.

John 16:15

Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you...

(the scripture on the scripture-a-day

calendar for the day he was born)

So blessed and so humbled, that out of all women throughout time,

he picked me to bring him into this mortal world.

That such a choice amazing spirit trusted me.

I am eternally grateful to miss and mister

for the life and eternal family they have given him,

that he will have forever.

2009-09-12T17:07:00.000-07:00

This

is this

no words...

I quit

2009-08-11T18:44:00.000-07:00

Ladies and gentlemen,

this is where I live...

This picture fits me perfectly. Surrounded by fog, stretching out to test the waters from an already very unstable barely visable foundation.

Anticipating I don't even know what...

But at the same time knowing that the current situation will not last.

It's the classic leap of faith, but it feels like going from one dark shadowy, swirling abyss of uncertainty to another.

Saying goodbye to comfortable, be them treacherous, resting stones...

Knowing they are not solid or safe, but knowing the ins and outs of every nook and cranny that exists in those stones...

Soon the water will come

I think it's already here

And I must leap from my rock

before the water overcomes me and sweeps me away.

I must assert my power and resolve to not control the current,

but have my way with its efforts.

Will I bob, will I sink, will I swim against it,

will I work with it to get what I want?

Who knows...

(just found out im getting my favorite car back

i may be taking new things on but it will be

from the drivers seat of a TURBO volvo wagon baby)

when heavenly father closes a door,

he opens a window.. a tinted window..

who wants it?

2009-04-01T15:39:00.000-07:00

So ladies and gentleman,

As you may know(or not)

I have myself a little bidness

I make custom t shirts

And i did a post a while ago

about giving something away

Well this is the real deal....

Hit up our website.

http://www.mccustomdesign.blogspot.com/

and sponsor us

we do lots of things

girls camp shirts

funny sayings/silly graphics

totes, bags, hoodies

There is a free custom t shirt in it for you

your design or mine.

Hit me up and spread the word!

ps this is not an April fools joke

Mightie loving

2009-03-25T13:32:00.000-07:00

I love my Mightie.

She and I have so much in common

We both love to sleep all day long

But want to stay up and get

lovin' and snuggles all night long

Sometimes when I am out and about

I actually forget I have an adorable kitten

But the second I walk through that door.

I hear meowing

Or a little grey fluff ball

wakes up from her nap

stretches

and comes bounding my way.

ladies and gentleman

its the little things in life...

she is my tender mercy

MC Custom Design

2009-03-21T18:06:00.000-07:00

Mc Custom Design

Ladies and gentleman

It has happened

I have started my very own company!!!

It is a design company for anything you want

I custom make graphic tees, bags,

pillowcases, anything you

can slather paint on.

Check out our website and tell all your friends

http://www.mccustomdesign.blogspot.com/

Thanks kids

2009-03-21T17:09:00.000-07:00

Everyone this is Mightie...

She is the newest addition to my life

and she is perfect.

I love her.

nuf said.

Biggie

2009-03-15T23:27:00.000-07:00

I miss biggie...

plain and simple

2009-02-13T22:14:00.001-08:00

You know you want it...The first FIVE people to respond to this post will get something made by me!I know, I know quiet your girlish screams, please.This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:1- I make no guarantees that you will like what I make!2- What I create will be made with you in mind.The catch? Oh, the catch is that you must repost this on your blog and offer the same to the first 5 people who do the same on your blog. The first 5 people to do so and leave a comment telling me they did win, so Have at it!!!

Go fight win

2009-01-24T20:41:00.000-08:00

This picture fits me to a T...

So high in the air and yet where did everybody go?...

The rickety way down into the fog...

And then what...

What is after the fog?...

No one can say...

Ladies and gentleman

I have reached the peak of this pike

thus begins my voyage

down..

through the vapid opaque journey

to...

(thoughts, suggestions, recommendations)

2009-01-21T21:38:00.000-08:00

Correction health WAS doing really well, got walking pneumonia

Z -pack and some steroids and I'm on my way

Life is good kids, I'm trudging through it,

But there is a certain someone out there

(red suit, Biforcated tail, pitchfork)

that just wants to kick me when I'm down

Despite his best efforts to convince me

I am not...

the bad guy

going to quit

hard hearted

the problem

alone

helpless

hopeless

unhappy

angry

ON HIS TEAM

(which I think makes him the most angry)

But most of all

I am not

going to stop fighting the good fight

I will continue on with...

good days and bad days

prayers

tears

friends

smiles

hard work

fruits of my labor

hope for the future

the home team on my side!

Go Fight Win!

Who's with me!

Blast me to bermuda

2009-01-17T22:08:00.000-08:00

Prayers guys, I need some serious prayers...

No actually my health is doing really well lately...

I need prayers that the roommate situation in my life

will be ok. That things will work out, that I will not get

financially vaporized, that I can be with girls that I love,

girls that are fighting the good fight along with me.

(I will explain fighting the good fight later)

Please please keep me in your prayers I am trying so so hard

to keep my little duckies all in a row,

tryin to keep them from the big bad wolf

(I don't know if wolves even eat duckies)

And if you know of anyone in the provo/orem area

that need a place to live let me know!!!

2009-01-14T20:22:00.000-08:00

Let me introduce you to Cepacol.

This is throat drop Voodoo.

VooDoo: something that is way better

for no explainable reason.

For example, anything Dyson, ridiculously amazingly

good vacuum. There is no reason why it is so much

better than every other vacuum on the planet.

It just is and it's just amazing.

Anything Cafe Rio.

Their salads, tacos and burritos.

Ridiculously good!

Just a few examples of a few things voodoo.

Back to the point at hand

I'm drowning in snot, and I can't take anything

over the counter due to Ricardo being the only

guy left fighting the good fight.

Dayquil is apparently a no-no for me and Ricardo.

Who knew.

And my throat hurts like something fierce.

(hence the cepacol)

just keep swimming

2009-01-11T21:25:00.000-08:00

Everyone this is Dory...

Dory this is everyone...

A funny friend that gives good advice.

In a moment of sadness and frustration fueled by

overwhelming medical issues and impossible school schedules,

my wise big brother Nate quoted Dory's wise words

"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming"

And ladies and gentleman I am still swimming

I am treading the intrepid waters of life.

And you know what I am still doing it,

I am still going.

Tag your it, no touchbacks

2008-12-08T01:31:00.000-08:00

Yes it has happened to me

twice...

I have been

tagged...

bet you were thinking something terrible

have hope people.

I digress...

The rules:

1. Post the rules

2. Answer the 6 "8" questions.

3. Let each person know they have been tagged.

8 favorite TV shows

(no particular order)

CSI:miami/vegas

Jon & Kate plus 8

Grey's

Starter Wife

Mythbusters

I Survived...(amazing show!)

Deadliest Catch

Nip/tuck(terrible I know. don't judge)

8 things I did yesterday...

It's 3 am which day?

Sunday

I got up went to church

Said prayer at church

Bore my testimony about elder wirthlins talk

come what may

got sustained and set apart for my new calling

Service chair!

( i have a week to throw sub for santa

all by my onesy)

cooked dino buddies

put laundry away

went to bed at 9 pm so I could come work

2 am to 6 am.

woke up at midnight and ate a brownie

and then went back to bed.

(i know eating in the middle of the night...

it's genetical)

8 Favorite restaurants

(no particular order)

Rio

Olive Garden

5 guys

Chili's

The Dodo

The bluebird

Mimi's

Hire's

8 Things I'm looking forward to

In order!

Passing my classes, all of them

(fingers crossed, prayers said,

please please please!)

Going the "the big house"/

being a white ninja:)

Finishing Tbones scrapbook

Getting lip smacking skinny

My volvo running again

Graduating from college

Finding mr wonderful

and seeing him actually stick around.

Going home to see my mom and dad from above

8 things on my wish list

Straight A's!!!:)

Benefits of the medical disposition

A seat belt for turbo

More organs

No more chubby bunny,

skinny minny

Free prescriptions

and or mas dinero

Mas dinero

My hair to freaking grow.

8 people I tag

2008-11-25T15:08:00.001-08:00

I freaking Hate holidays.

Sparks!

2008-11-23T22:58:00.000-08:00

So these are some pictures that I took at the

Spark Arts Digital Festival 2008.

These images are a trip.

I have always been fascinated with the human body

probably because I have learned alot due to my

little body not working all that great.

But these specific pictures caught my eye

Look at all those veins and arteries!

No wonder I'm exhausted all the time!!!

This is a cool picture of what the inside of our bones look like.

This is an image of a patient getting tests done for epilepsy.

Which I find particularly interesting.

My dear grandfather, Dr. Thomas, PaPa was a neurologist.

He founded the Epilepsy Foundation.

He spent his life creating equality and awareness for those

struggling with epilepsy.

He brought the first EEG to utah.

As my mother would say, he would sit with EEG reports in one hand

and a baby with a bottle in the other.

A true example to me of dedication to his two loves.

His family, and those who need a voice.

This is the internal bone structure of a dinosaur.
I think this is what my bones look like.
But hey they still keep all 6 foot 2 inches of me up straight.
Go fight win

Just freaking cool

If it werent obviously in a brain shape

one might think it might be some kind of coral

or sea creature.

Way cool

The agenda

So I arrived and spoke to about everyone that worked at that freaking library.

No one knew where this thing was. But I digress. So I finally found it and went into the

dungeon of the Salt Lake Library and saw these beautiful pictures.

To me this is what digital art is all about. But... I would learn later I was wrong.

So I gander and the neat photos and venture inside to the meeting room

hoping to find some modern way cool digital artist.

I was shocked.

All I saw was Dance Dance Revolution

Lots of guys huddled over laptops

patting each other on the back

and alot of talk that I didn't understand.

I hoped that someone would come up and talk to me,

but no as I would soon learn

this cool event had somehow morphed into

nerdfest

better said...

Gamerfest.

I found a lovely chap named Adam and I chatted him up about the digital art.

Well he wanted to talk about the digital art that is video gaming. He talked

to me about these conventions in Europe that is a convention center full of gamers

that are trying to one up each other in creating the best game from

a basic template. Cool idea, but Not what I was expecting.

For anyone that knows me, I do not like video games.

I am morally against them.

I was heart broken to hear this darling boy talk on and on about

ways I could make my own video game.

I don't want to make a video game I want to learn how to be a digital artist.

I think it would be my only chance at being a real artist. Cuz my handwriting and drawing

capabilities are crap. But no he didn't know about digital photography or how

any of the pictures outside were taken. My heart was sad.

I was excited to learn and it's true I was offered to learn

but I felt hoodwinked into attending a gamingfest.

Sad times.

people

sad times.

Good Things Utah

2008-11-03T20:24:00.000-08:00

Ladies and Gentlemen,

The rest of the world has finally caught on

to the amazing information

you privileged few already know.

That I should be on T.V.

Yes... It's true.

Ok here is the real story.

Over the past year I have done alot of adoption advocating with

this amazing chica.

The PR guy at Good Things Utah saw us present and has

asked us to be on the show

this Wednesday Nov 5th at 10:00am.

I am floored to say the least. I love adoption and Love putting my money

where my mouth is. I want this wonderful world to know what a wonderful

thing adoption is and I am so excited to tell big bad Utah all about it.

To let everyone that November is National Adoption Awareness Month.

This opportunity is so exciting for me but has brought up some difficult things as well.

These difficult things have reminded me that all whining and snits aside...

I have an amazing life

I am so blessed.

Thank you to all you out there that have participated

in being my blessings.

You are all my own angels.

Thank You

(and watch me on TV.)

(Wednesday Nov. 5th)

(10:00 on Channel 4)

Three of a Kind

2008-10-30T12:01:00.000-07:00

Three of these things belong together...

Three of these things have something the same...

Anyone ?? Anyone ??

(Bueller style)

Well let me enlighten you all.

All three are getting HOSED!

So... I'm getting back into the swing of things these days

and I feel a bit betrayed by my silly body.

I know it tries its very hardest.

And I am so very grateful and things are

REALLY getting better.

But Still.

I'm moderately overwhelmed

(which is fine)

But sometimes I think about what life would be like

if...

I had all my faculties about me as I go about daily life.

What school would be like,

What work would be like,

What sleep, finances and relationships would be like

If me, myself, and I

were all on THE SAME TEAM.

This isn't whining

This is mere speculation.

(don't confuse the two).

I will rise above...

but it's just so exhausting

I would rather stay on that ledge above

than keep climbing the tricky mud slide.

(ok that was whining)

I love those pictures.

The pretty princess with her glimmering crown

hoping to draw attention away from her

4 fingered gloves.

I love the beautiful vintage BWM

that has been SKEWERED out of convenience.

I love the civil servant being hoisted high

in the name of service and rescue

To have his efforts literally splash him in the face

by the very tool that is supposed to be his weapon

of defense.

Allegory people.

I will spell it out. I feel overwhelmed.

(not doomed mind you)

By school

by work

by relationships

by health

by finances

by time

by life...

I feel limited.

My people,

Tell me I can do it.

Miss Misunderstood!!

2008-10-13T03:17:00.000-07:00

Ladies and gentleman of the congregation...

This is the land that I currently reside in...

The horrible, prickly, stabby, and heated

Land of Miss Understanding.

I hate her land, I don't want to live here.

I want to live anywhere but here.

You know that other land

(if you squint and shield your eyes from the glare you can see it)

The land of understanding.

No one way streets, only two way streets.

Streets of communication, where words are said on the east side

and intentions are felt and understood on the west side.

Where truth and honesty are the golden currency

held and sought after by all.

Progression is the occupation and everyone is employed full time.

I give, you give, we all give, what a great way to live.

But NO

I'm stuck here... In the self preservation observatory.

Everyone look but don't talk, this isn't that kind of place.

Singular existence is norm and influence would just ruin it all.

Well consider this my notice of migration, much like butterflys

who seek for more suitable habitation.

I want to flee...

From the past, from misunderSTOOD.

To the future, to underSTAND.

Because I STAND for many things.

Right now at this very moment, here at this time.

I STAND.

Twisted Fatties and Hands of Healing

2008-09-15T10:43:00.000-07:00

Epiploic Appendagitis: is an infected or twisted small outpouchings of fat-filled, serosa-covered structures present on the external surface of the colon projecting into the peritoneal cavity.

So what that all means is... I apparently have fat that hangs off my intestines,

and some how I have managed to twist it and make it very very angry.

Who knew.

So last week I went into instacare with some pretty serious lower right quadrant pain (low right tummy pain)the people there thought it was my appendix, and I kind of agreed. They drew some blood to see if I was fighting an infection. The tests came back and I was not in fact fighting an infection but rather my hematocrit was crashing. Now I have known for a bit that I don't have enough blood but we thought that things were improving and on the up and up. But the blood labs they drew showed that I was much much worse and was possibly bleeding internally and that the pain I was feeling was possibly a perforated bowl. Either way I needed to go to the ER very quickly to have tests done and to recieve blood.

A very shakey mommy and cool as a cucumber David came and picked me up at the instacare and drove me to the hospital. We arrived at the hospital fully expecting some kind of emergency surgery and a few units of blood. When we arrived I waited for a room for a few minutes and immediately noticed a beautiful black baby boy with a hospital bracelet on being held by his beautiful white parents. I knew this angel must have been adopted. I wheeled myself over to the little guy and smiled and whispered hi. This little sweetie took his binky out of his mouth, smiled and reached for me. My worried heart was instantly calmed. I felt a peace and knew everything was going to be ok, no matter what happened. I thought of little T. who would be turning 2 in just a few hours.

(I feel very privileged to have been chosen by a special special spirit (T.) to be his physical way to this world and to his family. I have felt as if he is kind of my little own guardian angel. From time to time in my life when things have been hard I often dream about him and wake up feeling ok. That things will be ok. That I'm not alone. And to have something so new from heaven in my dreams and on my mind often prompts me to refocus and pull myself up by my boot straps, reaching his hand out to help me along the way. This little angel is also of the beautiful chocolate complexion.)

I was taken back to the room and given medication to keep me from vomiting anymore and to help with the pain. The Dr's drew blood to test my blood again and to get a match to give me some blood. This is one of the scariest ER visits I have ever had. And if you know my history that says alot. There was alot of pain and alot of scary things going on. My chest felt like it was being sat on by an elephant and my pulse was struggling to stay above 35 beats a minute. I was not doing well and it was obvious that things were not getting better. My amazing mother stood at the end of my bed and held my feet and cried and prayed the whole time. She is my rock and prayed out aloud as I thrashed about the bed in pain.

The Dr's wanted me to get a CT scan before they took me into surgery, before I left I asked my mommy to get David and any random person they could find to give me a priesthood blessing of healing. Earlier in the week I felt prompted to get one, but those plans fell through and I felt silly seeing that I felt fine. My dear stepfather approached a gentleman in the waiting room wearing a BYU (go utes) sweatshirt and asked if he participate in giving me a blessing. Thank you David all you worthy and willing priesthood holders out there that are in the right place at the right time to be an amazing answer to prayers. It was a beautiful blessing and I was told that if I chose to be healed that I would. So I chose to be healed.

They whisked me away for my CT scan and then they came back with the results. My pain was fading and I felt peace. My arrogant punk of a Dr. came back and said that my hematocrit(amount of red blood) was 7 points higher than it was at instacare. Let it be known that is absolutely impossible. The only way that could have happened was if I had recieved a transfusion, which I didn't. And then go proceeds to tell me that the CT picked up something called Epiploic Appendagitis. Something that he had never seen or anyone else in the ER for that matter. But that I would not need surgery just some antibiotics and bed rest. We kindly thanked the hoser of a Dr. for the positive news and amazing results and as he left he said you created this miracle I didn't.

A miracle occured that night...

I was preserved.

I have felt heavenly father in my life countless times. I feel very close to him and know that he is always aware of me and my needs. But this was different. It feels like there is a struggle over my mortal body, I felt and feel abosolutely that Heavenly Father is working over time to keep me here. It's amazing when we are doing what he wants he works even harder than we are to keep us on that path. I feel truly blessed.

Ah.. the zoo

2008-09-08T15:27:00.000-07:00

Ladies and gentleman so few things can compare to the day spent at the zoo with your nephew. The genuine love for the animals, the curiosity, the excitment are just what being Auntie Mywa are all about. My dear sister in law invited me along to go to the zoo with her and ethan. And let me tell you it was a ball. I don't know who had more fun, me or Ethan.

off we go to see all the wonderful animals

too much water, too fast

Playing on the rhino

Ethan just loves loves loves the merry go round,

but not the ones that go up and down.

Around and around is enough for him

Isn't he just the cutest thing ever?

Who could resist this face.

Ethan found a random bird hanging out in one of the buildings.

What a life... where do I sign?

The Amur Leopard. One cool cat.

Ethan and Jenn at the cat show.

Ethans favorite

Showing off the giraffes proudly.

Ladies and Gentleman...

May introduce (drum roll)

My people.

In Japan you can have them as pets, stupid US.

Action shot

I think we should be able to have them as pets.

Who needs guard dogs with these fierce carnivores around.

There's nothing like carrying the weight of the world

on your shoulders, Ethan is quite the thinker.

So there used to be a gorilla named Dan, and this

is an outline of his stature.

Not as close as I would like...

But everyone says I'm well proportioned at least.

Day is done and as you can tell it was a magical

day for me and a long hot sweaty day for Ethan

Thanks Ethan and Jenn

and all the wonderful animals.

Fetching Heck

2008-08-11T13:21:00.001-07:00

Well folks, bad news. I just got written up at work for letting my eyes close for about literally 7 seconds. I know I screwed up and it's my fault but I also want a little bit of credit. The powers that be lean on me for everything that they can't get done easily and I kindly oblige and work my little heart out for them. I'm trying people... I'm not perfect...I kinda feel like I'm doing your work for you... Such is life... I know. But webbernet world, will you support me and show me the love that I am not getting at work. pwetty pwease?

2008-07-13T22:35:00.000-07:00

Back off man... I'm a scientist.

(name the movie)

This is how I feel lately.

I feel like the whole world is trying to smash me... in lots of different ways. Well maybe not smash, just take a chunk off. It hurts. The way getting your thumb pricked at the dr. hurts way more than actually getting your blood drawn from your arm. I need my bits, all of them. They may seem insignificant to you but they mean a whole heck of a lot to me. And I need them. Go get your bits elsewhere. So to the powers that be out there ... leave me the fetch alone or else... well nothing really. I will just have to keep turning the other cheek and keep trying to preserve my bits. I will prevail tattered as I may end up. But if you can help it, try being sweet to me instead... please?

Can I get an Amen?!

2008-06-19T23:40:00.000-07:00

Ladies and gentlemen, brothers and sisters, I love S. Michael Wilcox. For years my brother has talked about his former institute teacher with misty eyes and a deep appreciation.(my cute brother usually tears up whenever he talks about the gospel. my gentle giant and tender hearted stewart)Reverence flows through his words as he refers to lessons he was taught by this great man. I had the opportunity to go to a fireside given by him on the topic of adoption(it's acutally where I met mrs. R for the first time and it was sisterhood at first site!) And may I say that it was a fabulous fabulous fabulous event. Michael Wilcox gives great-get through really hard stuff-talks and waiting to adopt can be one of those really hard things. For me its more of the finding an eternal companion, graduate from school, maintain my Healthy Person Status, can't everyone in my family just freaking get along, type of thing. And his words soothed my soul. Not because he solved my problems but because he gave me the tools to A.) Solve my own freaking problems or 2.) Learn to suck it up and like it when those problems can't be solved. Ahhhh it's good for the soul. I went right out and bought one of his books and have relished it ever since. Ladies and gentlemen may I introduce to you the one the only...

It is a true gem. It has taught me so much and there are so many amazing quotes that I have taken from it. The lastest and most heart striking is " There was no other path! When we realize there is no other path, we take a deep breath and move forward, facing our hard sayings, largely because there is no alternative."
This brings peace to my soul, for many reasons. I know I am a complex creature, but not that complex. I am primarily a worker bee. Don't make me choose how it should look, or what it should be like, or how it should be done. Tell me what you want and I will make it so. And I think that is why I loved the letter from The First Presidency regarding unwed pregnancy. The letter that was written explained just exactly what should be done, how it should be done and why. For me as a pregnant single girl, there were no choices to be made, just to follow suit. Adoption. Sweet! Done and done. Some who know me would say I am a leader, and in all those grey areas, yes I will exert my alpha feMale status and say DO IT MY WAY. But I am trying to learn how to ask how it should be before I want it done my way. And it's so nice to have Finally learned (at my freaking old age of 25 years. I swear I should have learned this years ago) that I don't have to choose the path. I just have to walk it. And Honey, I can walk it out!

2008-06-15T23:03:00.000-07:00

"I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration; I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis is escalated or de-escalated, and a person humanized or de-humanized. If we treat people as they are, we make them worse. If we treat people as they ought*** to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming."
~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
**Don't know if I really agree with this. I think we should accept people for who they are and see them for who they want to be. I think that is the truest, fairest way to help people become what they are capable of becoming...but right on Goethe!!!!

Oh Ricardo The Brave

2008-06-06T17:04:00.000-07:00

Everyone this is Ricardo The Brave, Ricardo this is everyone. ( I don't even know if anyone even reads this blog but I digress) This is Ricardo The Brave he is very special to me. He represents all of the filtering power that exists in my body. I have been battling with kidney issues for a while and in February we said farewell to Ricardo's brother Guissepe The Weak. He went up to that box in heaven that is holding the rest of my organs that have made an early departure. It has been Mutiny on the Ship O Myra for a while now and Guissepe is just the most recent to join the club. Back to the point. I went to hottie Dr. Johnson today and got a clean bill of health. Ricardo is doing great. I can grow people(if I ever decide to do that craziness again), I can get a job, I can run a marathon, I can go to school, I can drink myself moderately silly with Diet Coke. We will check on him every year and see how he is doing. And I will still need to moderate my fluid intake everyday. But I have been given Healthy Person Status. I am a Healthy Person that only has one kidney!!! Which is much better than sick person that requires maintenance. Ladies and gentleman I have arrived. I would like to send a shout out to all my functioning organs that think the party aboard Ship O Myra is just the best thing since sliced bread. And I would formally like to stick my tongue out at those organs that think they are too cool. You know who you are(thyroid, galbladder, kidney) Peace Out Word Up Go Fight Win!

cold drippings and soggy foundations

2008-06-05T01:13:00.000-07:00

(this looks a little bit like my bit o land i live on we call the compound)

So ladies and gentleman, I am feeling oh so reminiscent today. This rain today has had quite the affect on me, and the fact that I have been going through my old journals and photo albums and stacks of pictures only makes things more vivid. I am remembering all the good ole times, specifically all the good ole times with the good ole boys from the pages of my dating history. The feelings that are floating to the top are the kinds of feelings that leave you with a grin and a sigh. The thoughts of tight hugs, warm snuggles, and kind words are drifting through my consciousness.

You know that boy that knew how to calm you with one look, or the boy that would hug you so safely that you felt the world melt away. I remember and cherish these moments. Each boy and relationship brought its own special feel.The one that would make that sleepy sigh that just set your heart at ease, and the one that would rub your tummy to make you feel loved and huggled. So many memories of so many sweet moments. These charmed moments keep me company on drizzly days like today. They remind me that I have been loved, that I have been cuddled, calmed and soothed. They remind me that I connected with another person, they remind me that I have felt appreciated by so many individuals in absolute individual ways. And to you boys, I say thank you. When I look at my single status and feel woe I remember that I am great and that great people think so. Enough so, that they have shared their comfort, friendship and sweet tender selfs with me. Thank you again all you boys out there. For leaving me with warm fuzzies and sweet imaginings on a day of cold drippings and soggy foundations.(as a disclaimer i would like it known that i havent dated that many guys, but i do alright for myself)

Josh, Alicia, Ashley, Margret, Sandy, Kim, Chelsea, Tammy

2008-05-29T22:49:00.000-07:00

So a word to all my people out there doing the best they can with what they can. To all those caseworkers out there that are trying to do right by their birthmothers and adoptive couples. Thank you for listening to the spirit. Thank you for seeing the big picture. Thank you for looking out for those of us who are just trying to make a good decision in a bad situation. Thank you for seeing through the eternal looking glass, instead of at the mortal wall that is this life on earth. I applaud you and am forever grateful for you and the work you have done, the schooling you have endured, the emotional control you maintain, and all of the effort put forth solely for other peoples happiness!

I am just frustrated cuz i was talking to some idiot and he has some wacked out opinons on how adoption should be. In his eyes, its essentially a business transaction. Thank you for all of you out there that see it for the miracle from heaven that it really is.

Foolio, you suck

2008-05-28T01:31:00.000-07:00

How do you get over having loved someone that just wants to hurt you.
That draws his power from your tears.
How do you get over having loved someone that doesn’t see that you are worth loving.
That crushes you with your own fears.
That only calls to blame, smash, and vindicate
Himself from life, from his choices and most of all your hate.
He sees life as what it does to him, not what he makes of it
He sees you as what you aren’t to him, not how you shine in spite of it.
I am here and I am great, now you leave and let me be
Go and take your dark glasses far from my bright eternity
You lost this race and almost killed the prize
But I am stronger than you know and greater than I even recognize
In your eyes my worth does not lie,
It screams its truth and standard to live and never die.
I rise from the fire of my masters refining hands,
To Him I am perfect, amazing and just how he planned,
For he is the true judge of all, for our reflection
In his eyes, I am his daughter, His perfection.

Just a little rage writing to tighten the lid on the jar of that bee hive. It feels so good to let him have it, he has earned it and I don't feel guilty saying it.You know who I'm talking about. (For this instance he shall be known as Foolio.)On the other end, I love my man upstairs. I like to think that he is mine and only mine, and you guys all pray to some other guy that takes care of you. He is mine, and I am his favorite! :)

I'm a big kid now!

2008-05-18T16:27:00.000-07:00

In response to my pitiful whining from my last post.

I just needed to feel heard. Even though I think,

I just needed to hear myself.

"One of the numerous rewards in girding ourselves to do hard things,

is in the creation of a capacity for doing of the still harder things." pg 107

Spencer W. Kimball

Don't Leap With The Sheep

by S. Michael Wilcox

"To be completely honest, there is no realization of dreams

and purpose for either women or men without

difficulty, opposition, disappointment and failure. In

order to grow, you've got to face the fact that

painless change happens only in fairytales." pg 7

Dr. Laura Schlessinger

10 stupid things women do to mess up their lives

These are some of the quotes from my "little green book". It is a book I carry around to keep me company and remind me to keep my head up and keep going. I love my "little green book", I love using the brilliant words of others to inspire and create motivation in my own life. The efforts and legacy of those who have gone before us are priceless. I hope to cherish keep these words alive. The quotes I have posted above are the quotes that brought me out of my little pity party. Whatever floats your boat. This works for me and makes me happy. Go Fight Win!

Boo-Hoo and wahh wahh's beaker whine style

2008-05-17T22:07:00.000-07:00

Hey guys...

Life is hard...

And I don't want it to be...

But what can you do about it,

but work really hard to make great choices

and demand the most out of life.

Isn't it crazy that the reward for hard work is hard work? I think that is rather lame, but i don't make the rules unfortunately. Believe you me that if i did, it would be pretty rad. Back to the topic at hand... I just want to be better, and amazing, and making the choices i should be making, and all that stuff. I'm sure this is some backlash from my birthday, the changing age and all that that signifies. This is not where I thought I would be when I turned 25. And some of the choices that I have made have not been the choices I would like to have written in my book of life. But such is life I reckon. Will I really ever get there? Will I really ever be where I should be, or who I am supposed to be? That is a fear of mine. But luckily that decision is up to me. I'm glad it's up to me and no one else, but seriously...seriously. UGH and to top it all off, my mommy is out of the country. I love you love you love you my mommy. Hey world, keep praying for me!(oh and whenever I whine my brothers call it the beaker whine. As in dr. bunsen honeydew and his assistant Beaker from the muppet babies. The sound beaker makes is called the beaker whine. Thanks Stewart.)

2008-05-14T16:59:00.000-07:00

A little t-bone love for all you out there

when he wants to be carried or picked up
he doesnt say up or carry,
he says
"huggie, huggie"
who on earth would be able to resist that
quite a system he has worked out

The pimp and his ladies!

The little guy at my birthday celebration. he was super cranky but who can blame him when cosmo the mascot was stalking him practically.
If you notice, T. comes up to K.'s hip. At the grand old age of one and half. and let it be known that the kid wears a youth small! everyone calls him T-bone, cuz he is one beefy boy

Holding so tight.
Ty and T. meet.
and dont really know what to think.
My brown boys.

This really was a magical day for me. It was birthmothers day and my 25th birthday, and on top of it there was a birthmothers walk down in the great white provo. My brother stewart and his wife jenn were so great to support me and come down to it. And my bestest friend Mrs. R and Mr. R and Mr. T came down to the party. but i do have to say that my hero was there. miss K. (T.'s mother)was there and she brought the whole crew, T.'s family was there. all his brothers and sisters and M.(T.'s dad) and that was just magical to see. i loved it. i loved to see them run and play and enjoy the sunshine. and we got some walking in as well. thank you for all you that came and supported or wished me a happy birthday. on to the next quarter century!!!!! Bring it.

2008-05-12T22:59:00.000-07:00

Ladies and gentleman, let me introduce you to my new "snugglie". Everyone needs one especially me. I was at Ikea with my bestest friend Lindsey today and spotted my beloved. I immediatly put it on in the store and wore it for the duration of my stay at Ikea, and I haven't taken it off since. I'm sure I got some strange looks, but I don't care. My birthday was this past weekend and it was birthmothers day also. I have earned my snugglie. Thank you Ikea!

2008-05-12T20:20:00.000-07:00

My big boy brother graduated from college a little over a week ago.

I am so proud of him and treasure having him in my life.

He is my hero. He is my strength. He has stepped in to be a pillar of strength so many times in my life.

This past year he got married and became a father. Well done you brother! The nice one.

2008-05-09T23:40:00.000-07:00

Dood,
It's my freaking birthday today. Big Bad 25 years. I cant believe I have survived this long. So many accomplishments, so little time. Yeah right. But it is also birthmothers day. i win! go fight win.

2008-05-03T16:17:00.000-07:00

Sickie, puny, got the gomboo... general death

Respiratory infection, coughing

fever, vomiting

chest pain... general death

It's mutiny onboard ship o myra

This has been my life the last week or so. Lots of coughing, lots of congestion. Vomiting, fever, chest pain, and general death. I missed tysons birthday party. I'm sick of sleeping at all the wrong times of day. I want to train for my half marathon. I want to stop feeling green. If wishes were fishes we would all have a fry.

2008-04-23T01:05:00.000-07:00

“Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you…”~St. John 15:16.This was the scripture-a-day scripture for September 12, 2006, the day a beautiful baby boy was brought into this world.This scripture expresses my true feelings about adoption. At the wonderful age of 22 I found myself 5 weeks pregnant, single, and not pleased. But I was not troubled by my options. When I was 19, I was in Relief Society when a letter from the First Presidency was read aloud. This letter had a great affect on me and at that moment I made the decision to choose as my Heavenly Father would have me choose. That if I were ever single and pregnant, I would choose eternal life for that spirit that was tabernacled in my body. At that moment my decision was made, so that 3 years later when I would actually be faced with this difficulty (the greatest nightmare of my entire life), I had only to make the proper steps to fulfill His wishes.
From my doctor's office--my poor doctor who had to deliver the "joyous" news of me being 5 weeks pregnant--I went out to my car and called LDSFS and so the journey began. I knew that the solution to my situation was out there, I only had to open my eyes and heart and look. Adoption was my solution. I knew that this little person deserved so many things, the most important of which I could not give him:
An Eternal Family.
My father is not a member of my eternal family and as such I feel the pain of that vacancy in my family and my life. So many people misunderstand this concept and think that if this child were sealed to another family it would exclude him from my family. But we are all sealed to the same Heavenly Parents so as far as I am concerned, it is all the same family.
I started out very uncertain about what this little boy's family should be like, but knowing that he was half black I knew that he should have someone to share his culture with. It was also important to me that he have siblings, people to play with and fight with and allies for the big bad world.
As I read one profile I saw there before me words right out of my own patriarchal blessing. I knew they were his family; they fit all my criteria for him and more. They were real to me. Their pictures contained children eating sand, playing in drawers, the difficulty of matching socks, and a tired mom to top it all off. What more could a girl ask for? Nothing.
I have an inkling of an idea of what I have asked of these amazing people. I really feel like I should be paying child support. I am so grateful. The little boy that I had is the youngest of 5 adopted children with the oldest child being 6 years old. So ladies and gentleman...imagine, 5 car seats! Just think about it. But I am eternally grateful for these angels. I am so blessed. My Father in Heaven trusted me with a very special spirit, and trusted me to find his family.
And I did it!
These wonderful people have given me a life. I go to college. I go on dates. I sleep in until noon on a regular basis. I have received the true blessings of the Atonement. That little boy has been given the greatest life I can imagine, and I have been given the chance to make my own life great. I owe this to my Savior and that wonderful herd of amazing angels.

Happy Gilmore Love

2008-04-15T13:21:00.000-07:00

I am a bird that swims

with the clouds.

I live on top of my sky
I am a Lover.
This is my blog.